warak and me have a relationship none of the rest of you could understand
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met someone - a therapist - who apparently really dislikes what my parents are doing to me. he wants to help me! :) he is using CBT on me and trying to teach me to divide my thoughts into helpful and unhelpful. and when i told him i think i'm a reasonably, decently productive or at least determined person with a decent amount of productive thoughts, he laughed at me :(
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'you argue with me a lot' 'yeah, i could be worse. i like you! i respect you!' 'oh, is that why you counter me so much?' 'yes?...' DUDE. YOU SAY SHIT LIKE 'BANDAIDS MAKE YOU WEAK' AND 'WE LIVE IN A PRISON OF OUR OWN CHOICES' AND 'I FORGIVE MY PARENTS.' I COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE ABOUT THE SHIT YOU SAY
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benny1548132
23 hours ago
all of them do make fun of me for being hypocritical & contrarian but the thing is no, i do not like when people are unnecessarily critical of others, but yes, if someone is saying some stupid shit i will have a hard time holding my tongue. both can be true at once, actually! we don't need to be harsh with weird/'crazy' people who aren't actively hurting us, and bandaids prevent infections!
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benny1548132
23 hours ago
well, and, me saying the one thing - i think we should all be one hell of a lot kinder to people that make us uncomfortable especially if we have the power to destroy their lives & force them to be medicated against their will, for instance - doesn't mean i think i'm not allowed to have opinions about anyone ever
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benny1548132
20 hours ago
there is a material difference between me having an opinion of someone and a group of people or one authority figure taking exclusionary, punitive or even carceral action based off their opinions of someone
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i absolutely made the right decision for my privacy (actively in rehab. i do not want those people looking me up and finding this) but i do miss my webbed site. i will be back. one day. when i'm free, and far, far away from everyone who might report me for the type of shit i tend to say <33
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hihihiihihi heart emoji hi. *gets serious all of a sudden* nevermind imnormal again. white boy quiet. white boy quiet
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just learned a horrible fact. so. i take people at their word. i hold space for everyone basically living in entirely different realities, and as such i just. take people at their word. cause, how would i know about their reality, their world, better than they do? apparently this way of thinking/listening is extremely rare, and apparently, when almost everyone around me listens to someone else talk,
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benny1548132
2 weeks ago
they are in fact trying to keep an active awareness, somehow, of embellishment, exaggeration, 'self-deception,' distorted perspectives, etc., in other words. everyone around me is convinced that they can actually know other people better than those people know themselves, and they're waiting to catch them lacking
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benny1548132
2 weeks ago
i actually think that this constant fucking quiet interrogation psyop BS is worse than whatever anyone could possibly do to me or another person with the story they choose to tell about their experience/s. it's so offensive. i am scared. sane, sober people scare me. i want to take people seriously when i talk, and to be taken seriously when i talk. i want to assume narration is credible
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https://uquiz.com/quiz/tTOKGn/what-cigarette-are-you i got marlboro golds and i think that's all pretty correct except i can't be normal even when i try but i'm also not indie?? anyway. the rest is accurate including the fruitcake thing
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sorry i never got back to you on the xmpp idea, this month is only less than a week old and already it's been a whirlwind!
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badgraph1csghost
1 month ago
Same. I know theres a native linux port of gajim which ill look into when i have some more time.
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![olly place :] avatar](/site_screenshots/33/48/ollyjunkyard/index.html.50x50.webp)
dude is telling me things like 'you are the only one you need on your side' (re: how hard i fight to get people to believe me) and 'that's all up to you' (re: my asking how long this might take, will it 'work' this time?) and he even asked me, how bad do i want it? how bad do i want to move out? it depends on how bad i want it. all the emotion-feeling is unproductive, a distraction. i have to actually do the work
you leave me and my unproductivity the fuck alone. just kidding!! i'll be seeing you again next week, because i live in hell and you are my only option :) talk to you soon