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a-blue-in-a-sea-of-reds
1 year ago
Speaking of your microblog, I thought your post, “Villains & Gratefulness,” was powerful and well-written (and illustrated). 👏 I look forward to further exploring your cool website! 👍
swiftred
1 year ago
Thank you for the kind messages and the follow. It’s very, very meaningful to me! I look forward to exploring your cool 😎 website as well.
swiftred
1 year ago
the autistic urge to fret about misrepresenting myself 🧍♂️ Feeling profoundly ineloquent and agitated today
transferns
1 year ago
i'm not transmasc but i feel like finding my spot in the furry fandom (lol) was actually one of the best things that i've done for my gender tbh. the amount of under-represented trans bodies i've seen drawn by some furry artists is actually so amazing. and i'm sure it's the same for some non-furry artists out there too.
transferns
1 year ago
on another note, personally, when i see an older trans person, it actually makes me happier than anything else. something about seeing a trans person just survive and love life is so nice and they always seem so happy in their bodies (whether that be with the aged or trans parts)
swiftred
1 year ago
@transferns omg, I forgot to even mention/consider trans representation in art! Do you care if I screencap your first comment and tack it on the end of the post?
niicespiice
1 year ago
55 hits home like. sometimes when random people online are sexist, like saying "gg man" i feel affirmed, but then they say something like "or woman idk" and even though it's technically being more inclusive, i'll be damned if it doesn't feel like a stab in the chest 😭😭 random sexist stranger perks (???)
swiftred
1 year ago
@niicespiice omg, "gg man" goes incredibly hard, very affirming for me personally
inkcaps
1 year ago
I love the fandom badges you have on your index!! Do you have a link to the original source?? 👀👀
swiftred
1 year ago
oh, shoot, yes!! I accidentally removed the link. Here's a centralized place: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Q6LqU2nnnU60ARfc4NPdPbpCMIMl6WSDP_NWomr5OB4/edit?pli=1&gid=1004256205#gid=1004256205 For the fandoms it didn't already have, I had to use the custom button maker from the main website (https://idbuttons.neocities.org/)
inkcaps
1 year ago
@swiftred ahhh thank you for sharing, I'm definitely gonna add some to my blinkie/badge/etc collection page!! * __ *
notesfromearth
1 year ago
also forgot to write this, but microblog #52 and #33 resonate a lot. thank you :)
niicespiice
1 year ago
write in notes app on phone without any formatting and then go back and add it once your pc is chargable again. good luck!!
altalenae
1 year ago
hii, thanks! your website is so neat!! I love the free ideas section :) and I'm happy you found out about the wonderful world of zettelkasten hehe, it's so interesting that you were arleady doing it :D
ocrevol
1 year ago
ok this is gonna seem like it's in response to this journal but it's not it's just a synchronicity I've been thinking about it all day. But I wanted to tell u that ur recent posts inspired me to start writing (and SHARING) fanfic again for the first time in I'm pretty sure more than a decade and I want to say THANK U for that :)))
ocrevol
1 year ago
also its genuinely wild to me how often I'll be having vague thoughts that I can't be bothered to sit down and externalise in a coherent manner and then within a day or so you'll drop a post that is those same thoughts. Mind blown on a weekly basis fr
ocrevol
1 year ago
my impression of you is that you are a very thoughtful/interesting/sincere/kind person + find your ability to rationally self-analyze very impressive
swiftred
1 year ago
re: fanfiction, YAYYY!! I'm SO happy to hear that 😊 Talk about synchronicity, I only just started posting after a 9-10yr writing-block and once I got past the fear of starting, it's been such a gift. I hope the writing and sharing proves a good experience for you too. Thank you lots for telling me that.
swiftred
1 year ago
And to be fair, I did read your entry yesterday where you discuss being percieved, but it didn't feel prudent to tag it. Thank you, too, for sharing your impression of me. I'm highly, highly grateful and appreciative :,3 thank you!! Forever plagued with the introspection bug, and I'm glad what I barf out is coherent 😁💜
miela583
1 year ago
I love your blog; here, at least, you seem very thoughtful and sincere, and not afraid to talk about some very personal stuff. Plus, your "noticing" page is truly lovely.
sneekrealm
1 year ago
relatedly: occasionally when i spot someone saying something sweet about me on disc or whatnot i'll screenshot and save that ... something heartwarming about that type stuff
sneekrealm
1 year ago
but also sometimes i lowkey forget in general my existence Actually Impacts people in whatever way so even positive reminders of it feel a little humbling (heartwarmingly) - but i guess this might also make it easier for me to brush off some ppl's negative views about Me Existing for what its worth? if that makes sense......
swiftred
1 year ago
@sneekrealm it absolutely makes sense, yes. I’ve been meaning to sort of archive the kind comments I’ve received here and try to remember to look at them and just let it sink in. I also often feel I don't make an impact even despite evidence otherwise, and for me, I sorta suffer from a lack of ‘Existence permanence,’ like, I assume I disappear from people’s minds
badgraph1csghost
1 year ago
i love your blog posts and your noticing page. they always have something new for me to think about that i never would have come up with myself. your noticing page has made me more aware of my own surroundings (i "notice" more now). i don't always reply because my brain can't usually give me the right words, but i think about you and your site often.
niicespiice
1 year ago
in terms of the "not knowing how to communicate to someone in a normal way" my opinion is like. why does it matter to you if it's the normal way or not (also i swear i tried to post this before but it got deleted, or maybe my wifi just died idk)
ocrevol
1 year ago
I read "normal" in this context as "socially acceptable + therefore unlikely to be misread and accidentally offend/repulse"
swiftred
1 year ago
I’m struggling to pinpoint what you’re referring to specifically @niicespiice, but yes, what @ocrevol said, like, fuck being normal but also, I still worry about social alienation and repulsion because I am really affected by that. It’s hard to fully unmask, though I continue to try.
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I think it'd be kind of funny to have a page full of conversations and quotes I eavesdropped on. Some people say the strangest things lol 😭
Love 58. Lately I've been making "bad decisions" (small things) on purpose just to try to familiarize myself with healthy ways of coping in those moments. I used to panic more, usually now I'm able to tell myself it will all work out in the end. Also, I'd love to see an eavesdropping/quotes page.
had a conversation about this today (lol), there are very few decisions you can make that will actually ruin your life forever, being stuck in decision paralysis and not doing anything as a result is usually worse for you than any mistake you can feasibly make (lotta modifiers needed to make sure nobody reads this and decides to rob a bank)(normal fear)
basically all of my friends seem to be struggling with this - even me to an extent - we just sit around Not Doing Anything, because we forgot, and then it's too late so we hope someone else will fix it for us. instead of owning up and actually fixing it ourselves huhuhghgahghhg. running away
Re: 59. I hate how people want you to turn your favourite things into a side hustle. It was so hard unlearning that (i'm still having trouble with it) and just creating things for the sake of creation. I refuse to sacrifice my passions on the altar of capitalism!
re:59 the thing about running a small business is that while it can be very fulfilling to work for yourself it generally becomes more of a full-time job than a regular full-time job would be, also yeah sometimes you just straight up don't want to, there's no getting around it work is work no matter what
"five year plan??" wait what actually is that?? is that a thing?? also yeah i hate the "you should sell your art" thing. it's annoying because it's implying i think it's morally okay to sell art. at this point i don't think it is - because art is inherintly part of speech/communication. it's like trying to sell an emotion or a word. you shouldn't do this
@niicespiice, re: "five year plan," or rather, I'm asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and I'm like, "I dunno???? I don't even know where I see myself tomorrow!!"
"brother idk where I see myself in 5 hours are you srs rn"
DO MOST PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THEY SEE THEMSELVES IN 5 YEARS???? I DONT THINK THEY DO??? RIGHT????